The earliest obstacle I can think of was in year 10. We had been tasked to write a chapter of a story or something and my English teacher had asked us to make sure what we wrote was so good that it would trigger her emotions so I decided to write a scene from the point of view of a domestic abuse victim. This was one of those rare occasions where I didn’t leave my work till last minute to do it so you could imagine how much effort I’d put into it.
Well, it wasn’t good enough. That’s what I thought at the time anyway. She had told me that my story had potential but it just wasn’t gripping enough and she pointed out where improvements could be made. I had translated her constructive criticism into “this is crap, you are crap”. Shortly after, I was moved to a lower set English class and had to take the foundation paper (which I had high scores on, if I may add.)
Now if you’re an English student you’re probably reading this in a snobbish way thinking “I can tell why she got moved.” But I really enjoyed English. I was all for the book analysis and poetry break downs. I loved it all and if I had gave it a second go at that time who knows what position I’d be in right now.
The point of that little anecdote was to emphasise that my mentality became my obstacle in that instance, I had negative feedback and didn’t quite manage to take it on the chin and then gave up.
Sometimes when I make one mistake it causes a domino affect and then I keep on making mistakes because I start panicking and flapping about. Other times, I’ll make a mistake and then bury my head in the sand to ignore all the wahala that I’ve caused. Very rarely do I face issues head on, and if I do it’s probably because I don’t believe it was my mistake.
But on the other hand, I will happily and easily put my hands up and declare when I am in the wrong, it’s just the “what happens next” that trips me up.
What’s the difference in making a mistake and being in the wrong? Why is it easier for me to deal with my wrongdoing than my mistake?
It’s probably because my mistakes held more of a good intention and I hadn’t anticipated for it to go left. I’m not sure about that part yet – it’s open for discussion.
Another example of an obstacle I faced and still face today was procrastination.
Procrastination and I have had a power struggle for as long as I can remember. It stops me from allowing my dreams and goals to manifest, it slows down my productivity, it causes me to fail my exams and just about pass my coursework.
I believe that to combat this issue I need a specific skill that I’ve never encountered, portrayed or incorporated into my lifestyle. It’s something others have acquired or naturally have that I don’t. It’s discipline.
I genuinely think that if I were to be more disciplined in everything I did, ranging from my Christian lifestyle to my academics, I’d be in a much better position right now. Anyway, I feel like God has been indirecting me lately. He’s telling me to do better and so that’s exactly what I aim to do.
Anyway, I have a lot of obstacles. A lot of these obstacles are self inflicted and probably have some kind of nature/nurture reason as to why I face them. For example, there’s most likely a link between the “no beating” policy in my household and my being the last born to my lack of discipline.
As for the being quick to give up when I feel inadequate, I’m still figuring that part out and hope to come to a conclusion sooner rather than later.
I really wonder sometimes if the obstacles I face are the same as the ones everyone else does or whether one day someone will be able to give me all the answers to how I can overcome these obstacles. Maybe I’ll even give myself the answers one day and then go ahead and give them to someone else in my position.
This year and next year I’m tackling procrastination by doing the things I’ve always wanted to do which will include:
- Writing stories on Wattpad
- Starting my blog
- Starting my channel
- Saving money
After a very up and down first half of the year, writing has become my way of ignoring how my life situation makes me feel and I intend on making myself busy until I feel like I can deal with it. That and revitalising my relationship with The Almighty. I’m looking forward to facing and overcoming my obstacles because at the end of the day they all count towards character development which I’m always here for!