Obstacles.

Obstacles.

The earliest obstacle I can think of was in year 10. We had been tasked to write a chapter of a story or something and my English teacher had asked us to make sure what we wrote was so good that it would trigger her emotions so I decided to write a scene from the point of view of a domestic abuse victim. This was one of those rare occasions where I didn’t leave my work till last minute to do it so you could imagine how much effort I’d put into it.

Well, it wasn’t good enough. That’s what I thought at the time anyway. She had told me that my story had potential but it just wasn’t gripping enough and she pointed out where improvements could be made. I had translated her constructive criticism into “this is crap, you are crap”. Shortly after, I was moved to a lower set English class and had to take the foundation paper (which I had high scores on, if I may add.)

Now if you’re an English student you’re probably reading this in a snobbish way thinking “I can tell why she got moved.” But I really enjoyed English. I was all for the book analysis and poetry break downs. I loved it all and if I had gave it a second go at that time who knows what position I’d be in right now.

The point of that little anecdote was to emphasise that my mentality became my obstacle in that instance, I had negative feedback and didn’t quite manage to take it on the chin and then gave up.

Sometimes when I make one mistake it causes a domino affect and then I keep on making mistakes because I start panicking and flapping about. Other times, I’ll make a mistake and then bury my head in the sand to ignore all the wahala that I’ve caused. Very rarely do I face issues head on, and if I do it’s probably because I don’t believe it was my mistake.

But on the other hand, I will happily and easily put my hands up and declare when I am in the wrong, it’s just the “what happens next” that trips me up.

What’s the difference in making a mistake and being in the wrong? Why is it easier for me to deal with my wrongdoing than my mistake?

It’s probably because my mistakes held more of a good intention and I hadn’t anticipated for it to go left. I’m not sure about that part yet – it’s open for discussion.

Another example of an obstacle I faced and still face today was procrastination.

Procrastination and I have had a power struggle for as long as I can remember. It stops me from allowing my dreams and goals to manifest, it slows down my productivity, it causes me to fail my exams and just about pass my coursework.

I believe that to combat this issue I need a specific skill that I’ve never encountered, portrayed or incorporated into my lifestyle. It’s something others have acquired or naturally have that I don’t. It’s discipline.

I genuinely think that if I were to be more disciplined in everything I did, ranging from my Christian lifestyle to my academics, I’d be in a much better position right now. Anyway, I feel like God has been indirecting me lately. He’s telling me to do better and so that’s exactly what I aim to do.

Anyway, I have a lot of obstacles. A lot of these obstacles are self inflicted and probably have some kind of nature/nurture reason as to why I face them. For example, there’s most likely a link between the “no beating” policy in my household and my being the last born to my lack of discipline.

As for the being quick to give up when I feel inadequate, I’m still figuring that part out and hope to come to a conclusion sooner rather than later.

I really wonder sometimes if the obstacles I face are the same as the ones everyone else does or whether one day someone will be able to give me all the answers to how I can overcome these obstacles. Maybe I’ll even give myself the answers one day and then go ahead and give them to someone else in my position.

This year and next year I’m tackling procrastination by doing the things I’ve always wanted to do which will include:

  • Writing stories on Wattpad
  • Starting my blog
  • Starting my channel
  • Saving money
  • Driving

After a very up and down first half of the year, writing has become my way of ignoring how my life situation makes me feel and I intend on making myself busy until I feel like I can deal with it. That and revitalising my relationship with The Almighty. I’m looking forward to facing and overcoming my obstacles because at the end of the day they all count towards character development which I’m always here for!

 

Weekend Ramblings S1E2

Weekend Ramblings S1E2

I’m sorry, I’m late.

Nevertheless, let’s get this show on the road.

My week in a nutshell:

Monday was a blur, so was Tuesday, by Wednesday someone had walked out of work and hasn’t returned since, on Thursday I experienced ‘I-thought-today-was-Friday syndrome’

Friday was payday so that was automatic release of endorphins into my system, although the government mistakenly took a portion, one shall not complain.

Does anyone else feel a small sense of satisfaction when they make purchases? Of course I mean the stuff you buy just because you can. A burnt orange shade of new liquid lippie was added to my ever-growing makeup bag and I was about to build my whole outfit for Saturday night around this lipstick, yes I’m that extra.

My girl Whitney inspired me to reawaken my interest for writing and I think I might just do that this year – I read my chapter I had uploaded on Wattpad 2 years ago and cringed at the spelling and grammatical errors but was somewhat proud that I felt like I wanted to read more. All my life I thought that the creative side of things was natural and just came to people. I’ve now come to realise that sometimes we might have a small fire in us that just needs to be fanned – I believe this is the case for me.

So I plan on using my gap year to polish, cultivate and perfect those skills so I can become a master at it, I’m sick and tired of thinking “I wish I could do that” so I’m taking action and learning to do something.

This week I finished watching A Different World, this show is about everything. There are little nuggets of wisdom ranging of life advice from how to deal with certain situations. I think it’s a good show to watch to remind you of the basics of life, in my opinion.

It was my second time watching the series but it felt different. The first time I watched it I was a first year student at the tender age of 18. I watched the show with intrigue and passion for what my life could look like while at university. I knew who I didn’t want to share the same fate as and who I aspired to be like, it was an innocent dream.

Watching it again 3 years on I watch it knowingly, feeling what the characters feel and experiencing what I didn’t wish to experience. I know that in a few years time I’ll be able to say “I wouldn’t change it for a thing” with conviction.

I encourage anyone reading this to watch the show, it’s literally made of sugar, spice and everything nice and I bet you would learn a lot from it.

Now onto a more lightweight topic, my weekend was the busiest part of my week.

Saturday morning was spent cleaning, I’ve become an early bird because of my work pattern but I’m not complaining at all, I love to have a healthy sleep pattern.

I spent my afternoon at the Ridgeway Centre watching my NCS young people graduate and I couldn’t have been any prouder, I got to announce them onto stage, all but one managed to graduate which was bittersweet because I had petitioned for him to be allowed to graduate but it didn’t work in his favour unfortunately. However, I am immensely proud of each of them, they all had come in with differences and finished off as a team which is what the programme is all about. I’d encourage everyone 15-17 year old to give it a go! At least then you can say you’ve done something adventurous in your life.

Straight after the graduation, I whizzed off to London to get ready to go to this years edition of Miss Ghana UK. A beauty (with brains) pageant that will always have a place in my heart. I had been a contestant myself in 2016, I didn’t place but it was one of the best experiences of my life. Since then I’ve been going back to help out where I can and just enjoy watching the contestants showcase their talent, passion and love for Ghanaian culture in front of their cheerful supporters. This year the show was hosted by Afua Scot of ABN radio and MzDru who had been a former contestant herself and Andy Sarfo who announced the runners up and in ever-building suspense he eventually announced winners. He also managed to get Reggie and Bollie to come on stage to sing with him!

Make sure you come on down to the next show or even sign up to be a contestant next year – there are many reasons to do it, whether it’s for personal reasons such as gaining confidence or you may have a greater cause like improving the diaspora community in any way shape or form. Just do it! You may be getting more beautiful but you certainly aren’t getting any younger!

The night ended around 3am but Rachel, Whitney and I found ourselves going back and forth in Ubers to get food. Our Italian Uber driver was really funny but really weird but we can only blame ourselves for allowing him to be free. We all bought some Pepe’s and parted ways with Whitney before retreating back to our hotel room to eat and sleep at 4am.

4 hours later I was up and getting ready for church because the 2 new baby boys in my church were getting christened and I had been personally invited to come to the reception after. If it hadn’t been for those cute bambinos, I definitely would’ve slept for longer. Safe to say, I couldn’t resist the Sandman during the service although it was a really good sermon, I did catch the key parts – it was about The Influence of Godly Fathers and Bishop had us watching a snippet from Oprah about a man who had grown up without his father and how it affected him.

Once I got home around 6pm I ‘unpacked’ (I emptied my suitcase onto the floor), wiped off almost all my makeup and climbed into bed to take a power nap while wearing the dress I had on from earlier in the day.

I woke up 13 hours later.

You know when you sleep for too long and feel groggy? Yeah. That was how I felt when I woke up. I felt like a zombie, walked like a zombie, talked like a zombie. But this Zombie had to go to work and that’s what I did.

and that was my week in a nutshell, tune into the next episode this Saturday.

Xoxo,

Irene

P.S. I still haven’t got my laptop back but I have a good feeling I’ll have it sometime during this week.

Weekend Ramblings S1E1B

Weekend Ramblings S1E1B

Welcome to the other side >:D

Here I intend to go a little more in depth about my early life crisis with a bit more waffle.

So! Tomorrow I get my baby back! One truly doesn’t know what one has until it’s gone, and I mean that in the most ambiguous way possible.

My laptop has been in a continuous restart loop since mid August and a friend from church has offered to fix it free of charge, touch your neighbour and say “thank God for friends.”

I’ve never been so excited to type on a keyboard, my own keyboard, in my life.

I think I downloaded some virus onto it while trying to get a free editing software, I was about to become a YouTuber *insert sarcastic smile emoji*. And I tried to fix it myself but it wouldn’t even let me wipe the whole distin, so I passed it on to an expert so I could move on with my life.

Anywho, I had to break this post into two because I had actually recorded a 20 minute video about how I feel like I’m at the midpoint of my life where I’m expected to be an adult but I haven’t finished being a kid yet.

As far as I know, I’m a very observant person, and I am also quite aware of myself in most situations. My recent observations have brought me to the conclusion that it’s time for me to step out of my comfort zone so I can grow and mature a little.

As a younger girl, I was SUPER energetic and very sociable. Then I went into the washing machine that we refer to as university and became a bit more introverted. My friends will tell you, the idea of speaking to someone new or being left alone in any environment would cause me to literally panic – my most comment symptom would be prickly armpits.

I don’t know why I shared this part of my uni experience but I diverge, I think the way I behave sometimes gives new people a first impression that I am really silly, ditzy and airheaded. Although I do have my moments where I show these characteristics, I assure you, there is some depth to who I am as a person.

I’m not even going to get into it, if only I had a better choice of clothing I would’ve just uploaded the video anyhow but I’ll put it into one sentence:

I feel like I have to change myself to be treated how I’d like to be treated.

How would I like to be treated, you ask?

Like an adult, like someone who can make the right decisions, like someone who knows how to lead well, like someone who’s ideas and decisions are respected and like someone who is dependable and reliable.

Why must I change, you ask?

Because I feel like if I show too much of my fun, silly, ditzy and just all-around great side to any and everyone – I’ll get treated anyhow, like a child. And I’m sique n tiyad, sis. This includes how I’m treated by my loved ones (but with them I get it, I’m the baby of the family and that’s what I’ll always be to them, I accept that now), by my work colleagues and even sometimes people from church.

The trend here is that they’re all older than me. So sometimes I feel like they’re justified in the way they, for lack of better words, patronise me from time to time, but I also feel like they don’t give me a chance to show myself as Irene the adult.

However, I take 100% responsibility for the fact that I make dumb decisions sometimes but how will I learn from them if I don’t? It’s not everything in life that you can teach someone, sometimes they have to experience it to learn.

On top of this, I also feel like I need to educate myself more on current affairs and social issues etc etc but that’s a work in progress, I’ve got the BBC News app now and I’m learning to not ignore the notifications, we’re getting somewhere at least, right? I’m transitioning from a proverbial girl to a proverbs woman but with all the 21st century trimmings. It’s character development. Like Whitley Gilbert from A Different World, in fact exactly like her. Love life and all.

Maybe one day I’ll retake the video in a better choice of clothing so you’ll understand. If I don’t, and you’re really intrigued as to what I’m waffling about, feel free to ask me, my door is open 24/7 for females and until 10pm for males.

Anyway, that’s that about that. So until next time.

Peace and love,

Irene

xo

Weekend Ramblings S1E1A

Weekend Ramblings S1E1A

I’ve had a lot of things on my mind lately, I’m not even sure where my ramblings should begin.

First of awlll, in case I don’t post this on the day it has been written – today is September 15th.

Today I started my day by tidying my room and cleaning the bathroom. There’s something therapeutic about scrubbing the bathtub with bleach although the after effects of it are really annoying (talking about that heightened sense of smell after inhaling bleach-y fumes for ages). See, my bathtub gets quite grimy quickly because I use African Black Soap to bath twice daily, if you know what I mean, you know what I mean.

Anyway, I spent the latter part of my day at a family friend/in law’s graduation gathering, it felt really good to be out of the house, I can literally count on my one hand the amount of social experiences I’ve had this summer. Absolutely abysmal, I know. No summer has yet to compare to the summer of 2016.

Alas, topic of my graduation came up a couple of times and at this rate I’m getting tired of being embarrassed about my situation so I’m just gonna be chesty with it when I’m asked.

I study Medical Physiology and Diagnostics. Yes, I should have graduated by now, no, I’m not graduating next year, yes I had 2 retake years…3rd time’s the charm…right?

Well. That’s my life situation right now, I’m currently working to pay off my tuition – in case you didn’t know – SFE only funds you for 4 years then you’re on your own. So I have to self-fund my tuition this academic year. The plus side is that it’s £3,900. The down side is that I’m going to have to work along side studying – which everyone believes that I don’t have the ability to do.

In all honesty, my love for this course has slowly been dying out but it’s literally all I know but this is a whole ‘nother topic for another post. Just pray for me.

I haven’t even gotten to the true reason of my blog post yet but I guess this is why it’s called a ramble right?

I had recorded a video last week – sometimes I make my journal entries in video form (to fulfil my inner desire to be a “Yeleb” as MoChunks coined it). This video was about my early life crisis and I will make a whole new blog post about it because if I write about it now, it will surely be some kind of thesis. That was actually the main reason I started this post but hey-ho.

Meet me in the second half of today’s episode 😉

Peace and love,

Irene